Day 30

Are you kidding me?  It's day 30 already?!?!?  That's crazy.  I pretty much don't believe it.  In shock.  Surprised that I really did it.

Here we go Day 30!

Breakfast: Two pieces of frittata topped with avocado and tomato, a side of rosemary sweet potatoes a sliced cucumber.

Snacking: I had a rough morning...it's a long story...and nothing actually too rough about it-I was just irritated and annoyed by a series of events, each one becoming more irritating than the last.  I realized I was really hungry, and no wonder, it was approaching noon.  Two clementines while I made lunch.

Lunch: Kale chips (YUM!!!) and a BLTEG salad.  Yep, thats bacon, tomato, cucumber, onion, red pepper, two eggs and a heap of guac over a bed of mixed greens.  Just what I needed to turn my attitude around.

Snacking: Yep, two snacks today and both fruit.  Well, it's hot out and I didn't get nearly enough calories at lunch...poor planning, but I'm hungry and this pear is juicy and with the weather it seemed like a perfectly refreshing snack.  I munched on this while driving down the interstate with the sunroof open, enjoying the beautiful view of my city bathed in sunlight.  Deal with it.

Workout: Shaun T must have missed my face today.  I ditched him in favor of the 90 degree day and took the girls to the park.  They played as the dog and I walked laps around the park.  30+ minutes...I think that qualifies as "recovery" which is what this week is about.

Dinner: Made spaghetti for the girls with broccoli and warm buttered homemade (by Lucy) wheat bread.  I had pesto spaghetti squash with chicken sausage, red peppers and tomato.  Broccoli and a side of zucchini.  I still looked longingly at the bread.  It smelled really amazing!

Thoughts:
Like I said, I am in shock that I actually did this.  And, no cheats...other than the carrot cake which wasn't a true slip-up because it was planned...but still, technically I guess I did cheat.  Whatever.

I've learned a lot from this past month.  I'll sum up my thoughts in a blog in the next few days...right now, I'm going to enjoy the fact that I finally accomplished something I set out to do and have my roomie measure me and see where I'm at in comparison...details soon.

Happy End Of Whole30!

Day 29

Well, I did not sleep well last night.  I ate a few almonds before bed last night.  And when I say a few almonds and before bed, I mean handfuls and at midnight.  So, I was wide awake at 2:30 and decided to make the most of my time and finished reading the book It Starts With Food.  Turns out they really know what they're talking about...especially the part that said something about not eating after dinner because it'll throw all your hormones out of whack and you'll be wide awake at 2am.  Yep.  That happened.

So, I was quite tired this morning when the alarm went off but armed with new information about the Whole30 and tweaks I need to make for the next two days and for the next time I decide to do this.  I'll outline all of the changes in another post.  For now, here is today:

Breakfast: Sweet potato hash with sauteed spinach topped with 2 eggs.  A side of squash, and half an avocado.  After breakfast I was still hungry so I had 2 clementines.

Workout: This is the "recovery" week for Insanity.  Shaun T took us through a balance and core recovery workout that really was quite enjoyable.  Glad I liked it as I'll be doing it for the next 5 days.

PWM: 2 egg egg-salad, some cucumbers and carrots.  Protein and veggies.  Yum.

Lunch:  2 salmon patties atop a mixed greens salad with onion, cucumbers and avocado.  A side of broccoli and red peppers.  Finishing up with monkey salad.  Yum!

Dinner: Chicken breasts that I seasoned with garlic and onion powder, salt, pepper and fresh chopped basil.  Really delicious combo.  I added oven baked rosemary sweet potatoes, roasted green beans and some yellow squash that I'd tossed in paprika, oregano, salt, pepper and garlic powder and sauteed.  Yum.  I then had a handful of strawberries and grapes while cleaning up the kitchen.

Dessert: I was at a get together and instead of the pita chips, dip, cheese and crackers and chocolate covered cherries, I ate a ton of fresh pineapple and strawberries.  Sorry, I didn't get a pic.

Thoughts: 
Well, I should have actually read the book before jumping into the Whole30.  I think I would have had a better idea about how to plan meals and how much I should actually be eating.  I'm glad though that I stuck to it and I'm looking forward to seeing results.  I am about 99.9% sure I'll be kicking off another W30 on May 15 with some slight changes from how I did it this time...now that I've read the book I need to make a few adjustments.

Besides being super tired this morning (and for a spell this afternoon) I'm feeling really great.  I still don't think I'll see major changes to my weight and/or measurements but it's about changing my habits, patterns and becoming healthier for the right reasons.

Off to bed.  I'm wiped.

Can't believe tomorrow is our last day!!

Day 28

Seriously, only 2 more days?  That's insane!  Church days are always a struggle for me.  I'm out and about early and I always seem to be hungrier on Sundays.  It's also the only day off from Insanity so that's a plus.

Breakfast: A delicious meal of a few small paleo pancakes topped with fruit salad, a scramble with asparagus and onion, a small bowl of grapefruit, and a side of squash sautéed with chipotle seasoning and can't forget the side of bacon!  I ditched my stand on "No veggies on weekend mornings" because I realized that it's my idea that "Linsey knows best" that got me into the terrible relationship with food in the first place.  They say veggies with every meal, so dang it, I need to eat veggies at every meal.  I've also decided its my own personal goal to eat veggies of at least two colors at every meal, ensuring that I'm not only eating from one color family.

Lunch: I was really hungry after church but I wasn't really sure I should eat so soon since I knew I wouldn't be getting dinner until after babysitting.  But, hunger won out and I sat down to a nice plate of pesto spag squash tossed with peppers, onions and steak seasoned with garlic, parsley, oregano and thyme.  A side of sweet pots and a balsamic avocado half rounded out the meal.

Snacking: My two former roommate besties came over impromptu style this afternoon and I cut up a plate of carrots and cucumber for us, as well as mixed nuts.  Did I eat the veggies?  No.  Well, maybe one or two.  But did I eat the nuts?  Heck yes!  I probably ate double what's in this photos.  Seriously, what's my problem?  I should have snacked on the veggies if I was going to eat anything at all.  Ugh.  Snacking strikes again.  Boo.

Bevvie: Forgot to snap a pic but I had a "Cosmic Cranberry" kombucha while I babysat this evening.  Then I remembered that I'm not drinking them anymore because they've been upsetting my tummy.

Dinner: When I got home nothing sounded good to eat because my tummy feels funky.  I just want some cheese or cereal or bread of some sort to soothe my stomach.  I almost made paleo pancakes but knew that was a bad choice because I would just be filling that "need for carbs" craving and that's a dangerous path to get on.  I walked from the fridge to pantry and back about 20 times before I realized that I just must not be that hungry if nothing sounds good.  And debated whether I should eat something I didn't want just because I know I need to eat something or wait until I actually get hungry to find something to eat.  I opted with the, wait until you're hungry approach instead of force feeding myself when I'm just not wanting to eat.

Don't know if that's the right choice or not, but that's what I'm doing.  I'll update with dinner when I eat it.

Dinner: Ended up being the only things that sounded good...two scrambled eggs, two pieces of bacon, some carrots and cucumbers.  Not ideal but it'll do.

Thoughts:
Well, I'm shocked that this W30 adventure will be over in 2 more days.  I'm nervous and excited all at once.  I want to see how much (if any) improvements have been made but I'm also scared that I'll be disappointed if I haven't lost inches or lbs.  I know physical appearance is just a "side benefit" of why I'm really doing this--to improve my relationship with food, removing it as an idol in my life and working on becoming spiritually healthy in this area of my life.  Relying on God to satisfy me and not running to food with all my problems/emotions.

But...we all know that it's easier to measure physical appearance than anything else...it's reflected in inches and lbs.  That's black and white--am I growing or shrinking.  Its much harder to measure spiritual growth.

I also need to remember that I don't have a ton to lose.  That the stories of people losing 10, 20, 30lbs on the Whole30 are from people who actually have the weight to lose.  I couldn't lose 30lbs without being admitted to a hospital.  I need to be realistic. The less you have to lose, the harder it is to drop the weight because each pound is a higher percentage of your body weight.

And, I need to remember that I'm not doing this to look good.  I'm doing this to be healthy.  And I know that I'm making much progress in that area...after all, I didn't have paleo pancakes for dinner when I wanted to binge on carbs.  I know I have a long way to go though, so that's my motivation for doing another Whole30...to continue to break my bad habits (snacking, over consuming fruit, sugar cravings) and to reinforce the good habits I've picked up like eating so many tasty veggies and not relying on carbs and dairy to fill me up.

What healthy habits have you picked up and which unhealthy habits have you ditched?

Day 27

Well, I was scheduled to go to a Compassion International Advocate Conference today but I ended up staying home for a few different reasons.  I've been go-go-going and am completely exhausted, the girls are all either getting a cold or have been sick this week and I've been feeling a little under the weather the past few days, and my friend Dan is coming on Thursday for a week and I don't wanna be sick or tired when he gets here.  I've been so behind on several things and just need a little time to catch up and relax.

I slept in all the way to 6:35 today and when I couldn't make myself go back to sleep I cleaned the bathroom then once my roomies were awake I got my workout in.  Was glad to have one of the roomies join me...always makes the time go so much quicker when you have someone else to suffer through it with you!  Did I eat anything before my workout?  No.  Should I have?  Yes.

Workout: Plyometric Cardio Circuit.  I really like this video but I tell you what, my body was feeling it today.  Complete muscle fatigue.  Still managed to get through the video and felt great by the end.

Breakfast: A little of this, a little of that...gotta get some stuff cleaned out so I can make way for groceries.  A few small paleo pancakes left over from yesterday, topped with berries and pecan/coconut.  A few sweet potato slices, some asparagus and a scramble with spinach and onions.  Filling and delicious.

Snacking: Ran a bunch of errands with Hannah and was starving by the time we got to Trader Joes and knew I'd be susceptible to binging later if I didn't get something in me ASAP.  A banana was what I had handy so a banana it was.

Lunch: A little pesto spaghetti squash with chicken sausage and sautéed red peppers, topped with tomato, a side of red peppers and cucumber.  Could definitely have used a little more protein in this meal.

Pre-Dinner: Went shopping with Em and we were both hangry by the time we left the dressing room so we stopped at a nearby joint and dined on the patio...it was very lovely.  I mean seriously, the weather was AMAZING today.  I had a cheeseburger...minus the cheese, bun, mayo and pickles.  With a side of grilled asparagus.  Yep, the waitress couldn't even handle me.  It was a super delicious burger though.  Emily had a Chicken Dip.  Like a french dip but with rotisserie chicken, arugula, tomatoes, red onion and jack cheese, and a lovely chicken au jus to dip.  It looked amazing...especially the roll it was on...oh, carbs, how I miss you!

Dinner: After a little more shopping, I came home and was pretty hungry.  Had tuna and cucumbers in some celery, also some to dip carrots and peppers in.  A balsamic avocado half and a bunch of kale chips.  I followed the same basic recipe as last time but added a little more balsamic and some garlic powder.  They were incredible!  Yum!

Thoughts:
I definitely needed to eat something before the workout.  Maybe a scrambled egg or something.  And maybe have a snack after the workout and a bigger breakfast a little later.  I'm not usually that hungry immediately after a workout but because I know I need to eat, I do anyway.  I think I was hungry early for "Pre-Dinner" because I didn't get enough calories up front today.

I'm really excited about weighing and measuring myself on Tuesday.  I know I still have work to be done but I want to see how much improvement was made the past (what will be) 30 days.

I've read a bunch more of the book and I have to admit, I'm really looking forward to finishing it and starting another W30 armed with ALL the information this time.  I'm still praying about it and coming up with a plan I think will be successful but as of now, I think I'll start round 2 on May 15 and carry it out to June 15.  I'll outline any changes I'm making to my diet/exercise before round 2 starts...I'm still compiling info.

Goals for the next few days:

More sleep
More prayer time dedicated solely to my relationship with food
NO SNACKING
Fruit at Bfast, no other time
L
More water consumption.  I've definitely been slacking on the water intake.

Day 26

I slept so well last night.  Tough to get up this morning but the sun was out and the birds were chirping so that helped!

I have such a busy day today...working 7am-7pm and have a dinner after work for a dear friend's birthday.  I walked out the door with 6 bags this morning...here are my breakfast, lunch and dinner bags...

Breakfast: Paleo pancakes topped with berries and the pecan/coconut mixture, bacon, sweet pots and some broccoli.  Had a little extra time today since I was taking the girls to the dentist instead of school this morning.  Made a double batch of pancakes so I have some for the weekend too.

Pre-Workout Meal: Ok, I don't even know if there is such a thing, but I was getting rather hungry leading up to my workout.  I spent almost 2 hours at the dentist with the ladies, stopped at sbux to get them a snack (got myself a tea) and by the time I dropped them off at school and was headed to babysitting I wasn't sure I'd make it through the workout without anything.  All I had in the car was a banana.  So that's what I ate.

Workout: Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs.  The Pure Cardio part went really well...I mean, besides having my computer propped up on a foldout bed and working out on carpet...but cardio abs wasn't so great...I actually had to stop the video about halfway through because my back was hurting so much I couldn't continue.  Ugh.  Dislike.  But, on the bright side...that's the first workout I haven't been able to complete and I'm already 26 days into this.  I feel pretty good about that.

Lunch: Quickly made my chicken fajita salad and beef stew before the screaming baby woke up.  But, I forgot to pack an avocado this morning so my salad is quite dry...not ideal.  Having a kombucha as well.  I anticipate being hungry this afternoon as I'm missing the important healthy fats from my absent avocado.  I'll do the best I can not to snack.

Snacking: I'm basically the worst.  I know my hunger is insatiable today because I'm hormonal but this is ridiculous...I can't even post enough photos...I'll just give you a list:

Almonds/cashews and golden raisins: several handful

A banana

An apple sauce pouch

A veggie pouch

Some more nuts/raisins

Ugh...this is not the plan!

Dinner: My stomach hasn't been feeling well today-I think that's part of the snacking...normally I'd just eat a bowl or two of cereal or have some bread when I feel like this and that would be enough.  I think I need to stop drinking kombucha, my tummy feels acidic and all I can think of is eating some carbs to make it feel better.  But clearly I know carbs aren't going to make it feel better, that's just an emotional response.  So, nuts, raisins, banana...but nothing helped.  I ended up not being able to make the dinner I was planning on attending because of a bunch of different reasons and though I wasn't even planning on eating dinner at the dinner (I was going to make spaghetti squash and chicken sausage before hand) I was bummer I couldn't go.  I made the closest thing to "comfort carbs" I could think of...scrambled eggs and some sliced avocado.  Oh, and another handful of nuts!  What's my problem?!?!

Thoughts:

Well, clearly I failed at the no snacking today.  And I'm so mad at myself about it.  I only have a few days left of the W30 and I still haven't mastered this no snacking business.  I know I need to just get over it and STOP SNACKING but it's just not that easy.  Tomorrow is a new day...another chance to NOT snack.

I'm off to bed early tonight.  I'm super exhausted and the girls are all coming down with colds and the oldest has the flu...wanna make sure I don't get that.  More sleep it is!

Day 25

Seriously, only 5 days left?! Crazy!  I have been going non-stop and today is going to be no different.  I am taking carrot cake to bible study today and won't be home at all during the day...better pack some snacks and prepare for temptation.

Workout: I got up early to workout before work...won't have time otherwise.  It was the recovery video which I really enjoy.  My legs are seriously wiped out though.  Muscle fatigue.  Worst.

Breakfast: Man, this hash I made is really good.  Such a good batch!  Sweet potato hash with two eggs, broccoli and some fruit.  Yeah, yeah...too much fruit...I know.  I need to cut down even more.  I just love it.  I've always loved fruit.  I'm not sure if I should have had a snack after my workout before coming to work and having breakfast...there just wasn't time.  But I know I'm starving...so maybe next time I workout early I'll have a hard boiled egg or something while I'm getting dressed or driving to work.

Bevvie: I needed something after whipping up cream cheese frosting and icing one cake, a few mini cakes and filling some whoopie pies.  The smell of sugar in my car from the pecan praline was intoxicating.  I stopped and got this carrot lemonade at the store when I was picking up some veggies.  It tastes exactly as you think it would...like carrots and lemonade.  Good, but by no means carrot cake...

Snacking: Well, this is what the spread looked like at Bible study...carrot cakes, fruit salad, veggies, and Kelly brought cookies...it was killing me!  So, I made a plate of fruits and veggies...and looked longingly at everyone else's plates...

Lunch: Stopped at Whole Foods for some grocery shopping and a salad before running a few other errands.  I also ate the egg salad I packed because I didn't want it to go to waste.  Definitely not enough filling protein and healthy fats.  I wish they had guac on the salad bar.

Snacking: Yep, not enough lunch.  Needed a boost before getting the girls.  Had a veggie pouch and some nuts.  Feeling really weak and puny.  Not happy that I needed a snack, but needed it nonetheless.

Dinner: The girls ate one of my favorite all time meals...pulled pork sammies with cabbage slaw.  Seriously, I LOVE this meal.  But alas, sugar in the ketchup, brown sugar in the sauce...and don't even get me started on the bread...ugh...no can do.  So, I had a scramble with orange peppers, asparagus, spinach and a mini meatloaf I found from last week.  Topped with half an avocado and done.

Lucy's Pulled Pork Sammie with some Avocado...
I'd add a heap of cabbage slaw in there.

Thoughts:
I definitely did not plan my eating well today.  I've been so busy I haven't taken the time to think things through and make wise choices or prepare myself for the day ahead.  I've been praying about what to eliminate from my schedule so I can do less things but do them better.  I feel like I'm doing so much right now that I'm not doing any of it well.  I haven't really come to any conclusions but somethings gotta give.  I can't keep going on like this.

I'm not much further into the Whole30 book.  The little bit I've read has been about the body's reactions to foods...insulin, leptin, etc.  I think its really fascinating that our bodies are so intricately made and it doesn't take much to throw them off.  They are sturdy yet fragile.  God never ceases to amaze me.  The more I learn about the human body the more I stand in awe of God.

Anyway, I hope to get a lot more reading done this weekend and hopefully come up with a plan for post Whole30.  I can tell you right now that I'm most likely going to continue it at about 95% or more until the end of June because I have a wedding to attend and I wanna look smashing.  By that time my sis will be about ready to start her W30 so I'll be back on it anyway...hmmm...I need to put some thought into this...

A quick rundown:

Bloating: Next to none.  I do notice more on days I snack, but when I wake up in the morning I'm always surprised how flat my stomach is.

Energy: High for the most part.

Sleep: Fall asleep immediately and sleep like a rock through the night.

Headaches: Only after eating that carrot cake or the first few days of no fruit in the afternoon

Body Image: Better.  Feeling trimmer in a few areas but still want to see more improvement.  I know I'm working on it and I think that right there does a lot for my mental state...

Fitness Level: Much improved.  I can tell I'm getting stronger and my cardio is improving as I'm moving through the Insanity videos and don't feel nearly as tired or spent as I did just a week or two ago.

Mood: Very stable.  No mood swings...yeah, I know, I'm just as surprised as you are.  My emotions have been pretty even and haven't had any drama to speak of.

Other:
* I'm way less sweaty.
* I don't wake up boiling hot in the middle of the night anymore even though its warming up outside and we haven't changed out heat setting.
* I don't feel like vegetables are a punishment (except Saturday and Sunday mornings) and actually enjoy eating them at every meal (again, except weekend breakfasts)
* I don't dread working out-I know what I'm getting into everyday unlike before when I'd wonder how my run would be because I knew I hadn't eaten properly.
* There is no more guessing if what I'm doing is healthy...I know that it is and that has removed a lot of stress from my daily life
* I'm not consumed by thoughts of food 24/7.  I do think about what I'm going to eat but not because I'm obsessing about how delicious it's going to be and working myself into a binge, but because I actually have to think about what I'm going to prepare and plan it out.

And a few things I know still need some work:

* Snacking.  Especially on fruits.  Need to eliminate this.
* Moderation.  I clearly struggle with this as evident by the carrot cake incident.  I'd like to be able to have a "cheat" here and there (After May 1) and not worry that it'll get out of control or downward spiral and turn into a binge.
* Sleep...I'm not getting enough.  I need to make sure I'm getting at least 8hrs a night...but I'm more of a 9+ kinda girl...I know sleep is the key to begin able to squelch cravings and resist temptation.  When I'm tired I'm emotional and I'm used to feeding those emotions...ugh.
* Prayer.  I've been better about spending more time in prayer lately but I'd still like to dedicate even more time each day to being quiet with God and turning my relationship with food over to Him.  To focus on the spiritual aspect of this more than the physical aspect.

How are all of you feeling?

Alright peeps...I'm out.  Super tired and need to hit the hay.

Day 24

Man, I slept like a rock last night.  I woke up in the exact same position I fell asleep.  That hardly ever happens.  Lets get right to it...day 24, here we go!

Breakfast: The frittata I meant to have yesterday (full of squash, sweet pots, peppers, onions, mushrooms, bacon and spinach) topped with avocado, a side of broccoli and a banana with some berries/grapes.  The frittata was extra delicious today, not sure why, but it was.

Bevvie: It was a rough morning with one of the girls...she woke up with a spider bite, hurt her elbow on her sister's cereal bowl (don't ask me how...) and hurt her foot as she slipped down the wood stairs in her socks...we all needed a little stop at Sbux before school...they all got hot chocolates, I got a no sweetener passion tea...love it!

Workout: Plyometric Cardio Circuit today.  I actually feel like the videos are getting easier.  I don't sweat nearly as much and I'm able to do some of the moves at a faster pace.  Ok, so maybe it is working.

PWM: A burger patty topped with onion, mixed greens and a fried egg.  So delicious-reminds me of Paris...yum!

Lunch: I made a big taco salad with mixed greens, cucumber, red pepper, tomato, fajita chicken, lime juice and a mound of guac.  Really filling but I doubt it'll keep me full for very long...good thing I'm getting off work early and can make dinner at a decent hour.

Me Time: Yep, got a massage today at Mario Tricoci...I love that place.  Here is me, post massage, liven the life in their huge robe.

Bevvie: Had a Kombucha this afternoon on the way to pick up the girls.  Mmmm...I love mango!

Dinner: I was very hungry by the time dinner came around.  I threw some asparagus in the oven, some sweet pots in a pan and heated some chicken sausage and spaghetti squash with some pesto, topped with tomatoes and bam!  Dinner ready!  I ate way too fast and was still really hungry after I cleaned up the dishes.  I know I ate enough but I just scarfed it down.  I'm babysitting tonight so I'll take tea to make and load up my water bottle with ice cold water...that should do the trick.

Thoughts:

Page 24 from the book It Starts With Food

Well, now that I'm on day 24 of the Whole30, I figured it was about time I actually read the book about Whole30...I've only read a few chapters and so far nothing has really surprised me but it is great reading how it came to be and the science behind the food.  I don't think the book will rock my world, as I've been doing the actual plan but I do think it will be beneficial to find out the reasoning behind things...understanding the "why" always makes it easier for me to do things.  We'll see.  Ok.  I know this is a really short and blah post tonight but I'm babysitting screaming baby so it's just how it is.

Also, an update on my missing dentist...the mountain is still really dangerous so they can't attempt a recovery operation until at least Thursday of Friday.  There is a FB page dedicated to info and updates about him.  Find that here.  Thanks for your continued prayers.

So, tomorrow...day 25...I can't believe we're already in single digit countdown...man, this month has flown.  I'm really excited to weigh/measure myself in a few days...but I hope I don't get discouraged if it's not significant.  And, hopefully by reading this book I'll have a better idea of what to do starting May 1.

Day 23

Me and Papa at his and
mom's wedding 7/82

 So, today my dad (known as Papa by friends and family) would have been 69.  It just doesn't seem possible for my dad to be almost 70.  I wonder what it would be like if he were still alive.  I mean, not that 70 is old, because it's not (my grandparents are 80/85 and they can run laps around me) but it's older and I just can't imagine Papa being older.  He was 58 when he passed and that's how I still think of him.  When he was sick we got a glimpse into what he might look life as he aged but I still can't imagine 70.

Papa in April 2002, he passed that October.

Anyway, all that to say it might be a rough day.  Emotionally, which leads to terrible eating.  Luckily, I already celebrated his birthday Sunday with the carrot cake...and though I'm glad I celebrated, I'm not sure the carrot cake was worth the miserable 24 hours that followed.  Glad to be feeling like my Whole30 self today.

I've been discouraged a little the past few days because I just feel like I have so far to go before I'll be happy with my body.  I'm reminded that I'm not doing this to look a certain way-though that is certainly a benefit of changing my eating.  I'm doing this  because my relationship with food is out of hand.  Sunday is a prime example.  I said I'd allow myself one small piece of cake...and I ate two...and I would have eaten more but I couldn't post that I ate three pieces of cake without dying of embarrassment.  Moderation isn't my thing.  But I need to learn to make it my thing.  Work in progress.

Breakfast: I forgot to pull my frittata from the freezer until this morning so I clearly wasn't having that, like my menu said I was.  So, leftover paleo pancakes with fresh berries, half a pear, two strips of bacon, broccoli and at the last minute I scrambled one egg...decided I probably didn't have enough protein otherwise.  My boss (the husband) kept eyeing my plate...so, it must have looked good--sometimes I can't tell if it just looks good through my W30 lenses or if "normal" people think my food is appetizing.

Workout: It was a steamy 62 out by the time I started my workout at 10am.  I opened all the windows and got down to business...man, was I sweaty-there was absolutely no breeze...zero.  Lame.  It was the Cardio power and resistance video today.  I'm definitely noticing that I'm stronger and some of the moves are getting a lot easier...the power jumps are looking a little closer to the ones Shaun T shows me.  That's making me feel better.

PWM: I was in a rush to get things done this morning because I had a friend coming over for lunch and needed to get the girls dinner in the crockpot before that.  Threw some carrots, cucumbers and a hardboiled egg on a plate and snacked on it as I showered and got dressed.  it definitely wasn't enough...

Snacking: Yep...not nearly enough.  Had a few nuts as I was preparing lunch because I was feeling that low-bloodsugar feeling which I haven't had since I started W30.

Lunch: Emily came for lunch, it was nice cooking for another person--honestly, cooking for one is sometimes depressing.  Also, other than the girls, I always eat my meals alone-also pretty depressing.  I made up burgers with greens, onion, tomato and bacon.  Sweet potato thins...I finally made them perfect...thin sliced in a dry pan over low heat for a really long time, turning every few minutes.  I never usually have the time to let them slow cook-I usually crank up the heat and end up with black spotted chips.  Also made balsamic bacon avocado and kale chips.  The kale chips were amazing.  I had larger pieces of kale than last time and followed this recipe (using balsamic instead of whatever vinegar she used) and they turned out really well.  I ate a ton.

Dinner: Man, I was hungry.  Think I'm just in a hungry mood today.  I made the girls stroganoff with steak.  I took some steak, sliced it into strips and tossed it with fajita seasoning (the usual-chili powder, garlic/onion powder, cumin, oregano) and then threw it in a pan with mixed peppers and onions.  Delicious steak fajitas with half an avocado.  Really delicious.  I mean, I loved this meal.  Apparently I'm loving red meat lately.  Whatever, it's all grass fed, lean cuts.  The steak meat today was kosher...gotta love Trader Joes!

Thoughts:
So, I know I may never get back to the Linsey I used to be.  I know that all I can do is to do the best I can.  That if I'm honoring God in my relationship with food (not binging, abusing, or withholding) and working out in a healthy way, my body will look however it was designed to.  I have to stop trying to fit 32 year old Linsey into 28 year old Linsey's body.  I had a long conversation with my mom about it...she reminded me that I'm a woman and therefor, clothes from the Junior's department shouldn't fit me.  And that's ok.  That even if a dress fit me two years ago, it might not ever fit me again-bodies change over time and there is only so much you can do.  She reminded me that I'm healthy.  That no doctor has ever told me I need to worry about my weight.  They all say I'm incredibly healthy.  And the truth is...I am.  I just don't see it.  I see the love handles that won't seem to go away no matter how much Shaun T works them.  But then I remember that as a woman, I'm naturally given a little extra around the middle...ya know, to keep the baby warm...problem is...there's no baby...but, if there ever is, I have the insulation ready!

I guess I just need to relax a little.  Did I just hear a collective "duh!" from all of you?  So yes, relax, know that I'm making wise choices, eliminating temptation and finding a new "normal" and results will take time.

I just don't think I'll ever be able to go back to my old lifestyle.  I saw and felt what just a little, ok a lot of carrot cake did to me and I don't ever wanna feel that way again.  I've learned a better way of being.  And I wouldn't have peace if I just started eating like I used to...knowing that my body is struggling to process it, that there will be repercussions the next day and really, I'm just punishing myself.  Why go back to how I used to be and what I used to do when I'm really happy with how I've been eating and feeling.

I'm just not sure this is a permanent do-able lifestyle choice.  I know people make Paleo a lifestyle and don't ever feel deprived.  But, are those people pastry chefs?  Well...yeah, at least one of them is actually...my bestie Carley in Idaho...we were pastry chefs together and after I moved to Chicago she jumped on the Paleo bandwagon and she has had a lot of success.  I guess I just ask, "what about oreos and ice cream sandwiches?" I can't really imagine going the rest of my life and not eating at least one more oreo.  But since I haven't yet mastered moderation and self control I know it wouldn't be one oreo.  It would be one whole package of oreos...the struggle continues.  If I was eating the oreo just for the flavor that would be one thing, but I think the reason I want it most is because it's off limits.  I want what I can't have, simply for the reason of having it when I'm not supposed to.  Clearly, there is still a lot of work to be done.  Seeking God and looking to Him for guidance though this...if I was capable of navigating through this on my own I wouldn't be where I am...fighting tooth and nail to be freed from the hold food has on me.

What are your plans after the 30 days?  How are you going to reenter the world?