Day 19

Alright, I did not get that much sleep last night and am dragging this morning.  My goals today are as follows:

Eat more protein at each meal
Make sure portion size is adequate
Fruit only at breakfast
No snacking
Drink more water
Spend considerable time in prayer
Get to bed at a decent hour

ok, here we go...lets do it!

Breakfast:  Made the girls waffles, bacon and fruit salad.  Made myself paleo pancakes topped with fruit salad and the pecan/coconut mixture.  Also had a few pieces of bacon and the left over asparagus from last night.  Then...the best scramble ever...two eggs with sautéed mushrooms and broccoli, left over salmon from dinner the other night, fresh dill and a little bit of the pesto I made for spaghetti squash.  Seriously delicious.  And so far, protein intake is off the charts and portion size was more than adequate.

Workout: Ended up doing Insanity while babysitting.  The baby was asleep when I arrived so I took advantage of the time and attempted to play the dvd on my computer.  After about 15 minutes and a dozen failed attempts to get it to play (and not give the rainbow spinning wheel of death) I looked it up online.  I think the timing was a little off...seemed to go by really quickly.  Maybe the speed of the video was a little quicker than normal?  Not sure.  Anyway, one thing is for certain-Insanity is A LOT easier to do on wood flooring than carpet.  Man, I felt like the carpet was pulling me down the entire time.  Started out really rough today.  My legs are tired, my body is worn out.  By then end though I felt really good and knocked out some amazing pushups that I normally do on my knees.

Also had to do a babywipe shower after.  I thought about jumping in their shower but decided that was a lot of effort and I'd better be able to get the baby if she started crying.  Anyway, I packed my gym shower kit so I was prepared for a quick change.

Lunch: Not sure what happens to the PWM when I workout right before lunch.  Wondering if I'll be short on calories/energy later in the day for combing the meals.  Anyway, I had a large fajita chicken salad with mixed greens, peppers, tomato, cucumber, onion, avocado, cilantro, lime juice and a seasoned chicken breast (I put chili powder, garlic and onion powders, oregano and cumin in a ziplock bag and toss some chicken breasts in, shake around, and voila!  Delicious fajita chicken!)  Paired that with the left over beef stew from last night.  Soup and salad lunch.  Yum!

Bevvie: This kombucha almost exploded on me in the car.  But, I caught it just in time.  I actually really like this flavor.  Hit the spot as I was running errands (Costco and Whole Foods) between babysitting and picking the girls up from school.

Dinner: Oh, dinner was epic tonight.  I was pretty hungry from not snacking, but not too starving to make a nice meal.  I bought some pre-made burger patties at Whole Foods and they are so thick I cut one in half and tossed it on the Foreman.  Meanwhile, I roasted asparagus, zucchini and hello squash.  I topped the burgers with mixed greens, tomato, onion, sautéed (in bacon grease) mushrooms and bacon. I added a balsamic bacon avocado half to the place and enjoyed every single last bite of everything on my plate.  It was incredibly delicious and filling.  I probably ate too much but most of it was veggies, so I'm not too worried.  I realized I haven't been eating hardly any red meat, which I'm completely fine with but I'm wondering if mixing it up a little more might help me to feel more satiated.  Everyone knows a burger is much satisfying than chicken.  Everyone.

Thoughts:
Just really reminding myself why I'm doing this.  I've had several people ask me about my "eating thing" in the last few days and I've had to explain what it's about and the purpose behind it.  Yes, I'm healthy.  My doctor has never said I need to lose weight.  My health is virtually perfect.  I'm not doing this because I've gained a bunch of weight and want to "get back in shape."  Though I have gained some weight over the past 5 years and I would like to tone up, none of these things are why I jumped feet first into Whole30.  Food is an idol in my life.  I turn to it instead of God for comfort.  When I'm lonely...food.  When I'm tired, bored, angry, confused...food.  I think about it from the moment I wake up (before my eyes are even open) until the moment I fall asleep.  It's not healthy.  It's getting in the way of my relationship with God.  I need to get it under control.

Food is meant to fuel my body.  It's not meant to be my best friend.  That's why I'm doing this.  Sure, the added benefit of all of this is I'll most likely trim down a bit, but that can't be what I'm focused on.  I get all kinds of looks from people when they find out I'm doing a special eating plan.  I feel like I have to say something about it not being because I'm overweight...I don't want them to think I think I'm overweight, because I don't...but really, it's none of their business.  It shouldn't matter what I look like, I shouldn't have to defend my choice to make a pretty drastic change to my eating habits and reassure them that I know I'm healthy.  I understand that most likely, they just want to be sure I'm not struggling with an eating disorder, but it almost always feels like they disapprove.  Like only people who are really overweight should be this concerned about what they eat...I dunno...I guess I'm just tired of explaining myself.  I think it has served a purpose though, which is to constantly remind me that I shouldn't be focused on looks but on the relationship I have with food and eliminating it as an idol in my life.

So, that brings us to no snacking and eliminating fruit.  SUCCESS!!  Not a single snack today.  Meals only.  And no fruit after breakfast!  I know that half (or more) of the time I think I need a snack its just because I'm addicted to sugar and need a fix.  Or maybe because I'm used to eating at that time of day and even though I'm not hungry it feels like I'm being deprived.  Anyway, it wasn't too hard today because my meals were so big and I was pretty busy...didn't even have time to think about snacking.

Being back at home now will really help.  I was in the pantry at work last night and finally just had to turn off the light and walk away...there were too many things calling my name...cocoa krispies, oreos, graham crackers, smart puffs, croissants, thin mints, thick chocolate chip cookies...and because I couldn't have any of those, I got sucked into the "maybe I should have some raisins and nuts" thing.  Ugh...walk away Lins, walk away.

I've also gotten into the habit of brushing my teeth immediately after a meal.  That way, my mouth tastes so nice and fresh I don't wanna mess it up by eating something.

Ok, off to bed soon.  I'm completely exhausted and have a busy weekend coming up...

Day 20 tomorrow...can't believe we're already to 20!!

Ps.  I realized today that it's the 16 year anniversary of my first real kiss.  For the record, it was on the band bus in between Daffodil Parades and it was indeed terrible.  That "relationship" only lasted another few weeks and there were zero more kisses.