Day 21

Also known as falling off the wagon day...

Let's just get right to it:

Breakfast: Started things off with paleo pancakes and fruit salad and a scramble with asparagus, squash and zucchini.  Oh, forgot the bacon...how did that happen??

Snacking: Got really tempted frosting the carrot cakes but didn't have time to sit down for lunch so grabbed what I could while I finished things up.  A banana, some nuts and a veggie pouch.

Dessert: Carrot cake.  Enough said.

Followed that up with some fruit salad.

Workout: Ok, not a true workout, but I spent almost 2 hours doing this...

Trying on dresses with the roomie because she said she was in need of some summer dresses and where better to go than my closet?  I ended up trying on 30 dresses, giving 12 to her, giving 8 away and keeping the rest.  Oh, and you can't try on dresses without shoes...

Dessert: Worked up an appetite trying on all those dresses so had myself the last piece of carrot cake that was cut and sitting so nicely on a plate right out in plain sight...how dare it!!  Funny how as I was trying on dresses and looking in the mirror telling the roomie how "all these used to fit better because I was so much smaller" still didn't stop me from having that second piece of cake...while I was still trying on dresses and complaining about my body...ugh, I'm the worst!

Snacking: Figured I'd better put something in my belly before going to bed.  Nuts.  Quick and easy.

Thoughts:
Man, I am already so bloated from that cake.  It was delicious and though I didn't need the second piece at all, I'm not upset that I had some.  It was a special day and its over now and I'm going to move on.  I just can't believe how fast my body reacted to the sugar, dairy, gluten...my head is a little spin-y, I almost can see spots and though I'm hungry there is a pit in my stomach...I honestly can't believe I used to live like this on a daily basis and think it was ok.

I have noticed some changes to my body lately and have been feeling more confident in my ability to show restraint around food, but today really slapped me in the face.  Trying on the dresses I realize how far I still have to go before I get back to my old self.  And I realized that abstaining completely is so much easier than relying on moderation.  Once I had one bite of sugar I wanted more and more and more.  Didn't matter that I knew it wasn't good for me, that I have been so pleased with the results of the Whole30 or that I'd have to fess up to eating more than I originally allowed myself.  Moderation is really hard.  Clearly something I still don't have a handle on.

Ugh.  So, that's it.  It's not pretty.  Tomorrow is a new day and I'm back on the wagon.  Makes me worry even more about what May will bring.  Need to continue to pray and work that out.